The Constorium of Greater Minds

When one is “underway” in the Navy meaning at sea steaming from point A to point B life is very different from in port or, in the civilian world, working a nine to five. At sea one is confined to 20,000 square feet of deck space and no more. Underway one sees the same people in the same places at the same time every single day. Standing watch for five hours every day with the same people, eating breakfast lunch and dinner with the same people and living in the same compartments with the same people can make for interesting sociological dynamics.

When I got underway for this one and a half month deployment I had no idea how the office dynamic would develop. I work in the same office with essentially the same people every day of the week. When you are not on watch, eating, exercising or sleeping you are in the office. After only a few days it becomes clear who spends more time in the office. Those individuals who are “always” in the office notice and begin to resent those who are not in the office as much as they are. They automatically assume that those not in the office constantly throughout the day must be shirking their duties. The first assumption when explaining the absence of an individual is that he/she must be sleeping. In the Navy the saying that perception is reality takes on a whole new meaning. Someone could be studying or exercising and for those reasons not be in the office, yet the first assumption is that they are sleeping and not doing their job.

When such an individual enters the office they are greeted with a barrage of remarks such as:
“Well, there he his!” or “Welcome to the Navy, shipmate” or “Holly shit, look who it is” or “Man, I thought you fell overboard” or “Where the fuck have you been.” It is because you don’t want to be “that guy” constantly heckled with the aforementioned comments that sleep has transformed into a forbidden and illicit act.

Such practices as the “lunch time nooner” develop, or the trick of sleeping on the floor of your stateroom in your uniform or going to the bathroom and sleeping on the toilet or placing a pen under your desk and sleeping with your head in the shadows and when the XO stands above you and asks “what the hell’s going on here?” you can grab the pen and stand up exclaiming “there it is, I was looking all over for this!”

I have even begun to ask myself “do I want to eat or sleep” because for the most part there is no time to do both. Most days I skip breakfast with the wardroom in favor of an extra half hour of sleep. At lunch I’ll sleep for half an hour and then eat or sleep an hour and not eat at all. I stocked up on power bars and beef jerky prior to sailing so I could sustain myself in the confines of my state room and if I so desire not have to ever go to the wardroom to eat and thus expose myself to the omnipresent eyes of my Department Head or the XO.

So my friends sleep has become twisted and distorted. It has become a taboo subject no longer discussed openly as in my school days when I would speak freely of my napping exploits. Gone are the days when it was not unusual to sleep for half the day or more or take a nap each afternoon for days on end. When out to sea the normal rules do not apply and let every man beware that as it goes with the latest SupremexNike collaboration so it goes with slumber: you better not get caught sleepin’